As I sat down to write this, I heard a distinct rumble from outside and both of the cats bolted indoors which prompted me to lift my butt just one more time before writing anything to pick up the laundry that already got hit by rain yesterday (and thus smells divine & super fresh now). The sky is rapidly turning darker & I'm hoping for a proper thunderstorm although I do worry it might scare Maiko or even induce labour & I'm not 100% convinced her babies have brewed quite long enough. We're at day 52-54 by my math so I'm hoping to keep those darlings in for just a bit longer.
Thankfully Mama (the name she prefers to respond to now) isn't a stress-prone cat at all so hopefully everything will go smoothly and I'll soon have a bunch of energetic, mischievous, healthy kittens to look after. ♥ I'm scared, worried, anxious, but most of all excited.
These past six months have been very difficult for me, especially the last three. I've been off work since the 1st of July due to health reasons & I don't know when I'm going back, if I'm going back or staying on sick leave, or finding a new job, or going back to college full-time. And I genuinely don't have the strength to think about it too deeply. I can say yay or nay to ideas thrown at me, going back to school sounds great... but I have to be healthier for that.
One of my support workers thinks volunteering just a few hours a week would make a massive difference because I've isolated myself into my tiny flat. I don't feel the need to go out unless it's to replenish my stock of cup soups and noodles or to buy store-brand cheap cola for gaming sessions (one positive thing has come out of all this: I've rediscovered my love for video games ♥). Socialising face to face? No thank you. I get enough of that during my various appointments. I like to keep my chatter to casual exchanges online nowadays but I also know I need to leave my home on the odd occasion for my own sanity's sake and I need hobbies beyond video games.
I've been trying to blog here and there during this all, but I'm notorious for my restless feet when it comes to staying in one place -- I find it difficult. It doesn't help that it took me a while to accept the new limitations I have in life & for a little while I even felt embarrassed for being so ill and felt I shouldn't talk about it... but that was when my entire life was about the illness & the new diagnosis.
I've since started exploring life outside of being Sickly Noo and that life deserves to be documented. Will I talk about my conditions? Probably. I've not 100% come to terms with everything yet but I'm taking baby steps & instead of taking one step forward and five steps back, I've started making some progress in moving forward. It may be a quarter of a step at a time, but it's still movement in the right direction! ♥ Just being able to leave the house -- if only for fifteen minutes -- is a huge thing for me.
If I'm able to leave the flat despite social anxiety, I can surely stick to a blog if I decide to do so, right? Especially since I spent a good twenty-plus hours on this layout, trying to make it as quick as possible with the goal of using absolutely no graphics, only CSS. What do you think? Does it work or is it too bleh & simple for someone loud & irritating like me?
I'm also finding my snapshotting mojo again. I don't claim to be good at photography nor do I have anywhere near semi-decent gear (iPhone 5S and a Hitachi HDC-99WE that's from the stone age) but I enjoy snapping photos anyway. I made a gallery page for those of you who like to see my life instead of just read about it. :3 Getiing decent photos requires me to go out, however, so it takes a bit of mental preparations and currently my treks aren't very long but, as I said: baby steps.
For now, I'm going to focus on building a small circle of bloggers to interact with & take it from there. Wish me luck? ♥
//Edited to add: I didn't get my wish. The rain passed and the rumbling ceased. Ah well, better for Maiko this way! o/ We want healthy babies. ♥
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