So for the past two days I've been super productive. "Super productive" meaning not productive at all, I've only been playing bloody Skyrim because I'm an addictive personality & despite the constant crashes and bugs, I keep going back to it. I am hooked. I wasn't a few years back when it was trending -- I didn't really get into it at all -- but apparently suddenly I'm a fangirl because despite having a shopping list of things to do (like booking my mental health assessment & blood tests, and filling out a questionnaire about the current status of my health that's actually very much required for disability support), after all the mandatories are done (aka when I'm done bleaching the living crap out of my kitchen) I tend to go on Steam and... inevitably launch Skyrim.
I haven't touched the main quest lines on this character (Altmer Mage/Warrior Alchemist dudette) at all beyond the initial ones with Jarl Balgruuf and Bleak Falls Barrow business, & I'm already a Vampire Lord and a ridiculously silly level (62, I'm not even joking) from grinding draugr and my fellow vampires & eating every suspicious flower & mushroom in my path for really quick grindy experience. Like, I'm pretty sure that if NPC AI was advanced enough (and eventually it will be, you mark my words), the townspeople would be giving me weird looks not because I'm a blood-sucking demon who forgets to feed regularly (I wish this was a problem for me in real life), but because I regularly pick up shrooms from trees, gobble them up and then have some butterflies, spider eggs & lavender for dessert. I genuinely want AI like that, an AI that actually recognises that your actions are stupid or just downright insane. I want medics to offer me help on that one, not my pale skin and weird glowy demon eyes. Question my sanity, game! I just ate every single cabbage in grandma's garden!
...but then, I suppose when you see someone literally suck the soul out of a dead dragon, you're pretty chill on letting a person capable of doing that do whatever else they want to do in their daily life. I wouldn't mess with a dovahkiin. Well, okay, I might... but it would require a psychosis.
Years ago when I played the game, as I said, I really didn't take that much of an interest in it because I made a very typical-to-me Khajiit rogue type, went straight into the main storyline, didn't look into perks, chose what I saw was the 'good' side (Stormcloaks), just sort of went on automatic, got bored, quit and didn't touch the game for aeons (I may be slightly exaggerating on the timeframe) but I recently quit World of Warcraft and drinking so suddenly I have several hours a day to spend on... well, whatever the Hell I want, really. I'm not stuck trying to make a friend's (...former friend's) guild look active by doing eff all for the entire duration of the day when I stand in front of the city hall doors hoping someone is bored enough to initiate roleplay, nor am I passed out on the couch. Suddenly there's time to do things & while I've become a cleaning fanatic (let's face it, it's an addiction, I'm an addict, I get addicted, it is what it is) and while I initially wanted to do a full run-through of the Witcher series, I for some reason chose to install Skyrim as well, upgraded it to the Special Edition and now.... I have no desire to have any form of a real life anymore.
Healthy? No. Fun? Heckin' yeah!
Like most games, I play Skyrim unmodded for purity's sake (and because the damn game glitches, freezes & crashes enough as it is; Bethesda isn't known for releasing 100% completed games, I tell you) & despite everyone saying, oh the game needs mods to be playable and oh it's so ugly... while I agree mods might & do make the game more stable, I don't want to touch the graphics. I think the game is stunning even without those massive retexture packs people claim you just can't live without. Do I need my character to be gorgeous? Not if the game doesn't want her to be. Call me weird but I don't want to mess with a game's aesthetic and give it someone else's vision of what's prettier but then again I've gamed for so long now that to me Skyrim graphics are awesome... compared to some of the games I've fit into my thirty-one years of video games. Games I love and still play despite them being hella ugly. Silent Hill & Final Fantasy VIII, you know I'm looking at you.
This time around I made a bit of a villain character, Rhygerrah, a Thalmor agent (fun fact: put on the hooded robes as an Altmer and the Thalmor treat you as one of their own -- I love that detail!) who sides with the Imperials. The vampire thing shouldn't really come as a surprise, it was inevitable that I'd make one once I got my hands on the Dawnguard DLC that comes with the Special Edition. I've really shifted away from my old way of playing an all-around wholesome nice & neutral character and I've started picking actually evil classes, going by Lawful/Neutral Evil rules (one day I'll progress into Chaotic Evil land, watch this space) which I guess says a lot about my growth and change as a person. I'm no longer as blind and as innocent as I used to be, not by a long shot, and my preferences have changed via downright horrible events (and people) that have happened between when-I-last-played-Skyrim and now. It's quite fascinating to me, really.
It feels really great to have my gaming mojo back, especially since I have several dozens of games I've gotten from friends' Humble Bundles & bought myself that I've never even touched, & I'm glad it came back at the same time I started such an immersive behemoth of a game because not only will it help pass the time far quicker, it also keeps my mind distracted from the temptations of everything else I could re-addict myself to and Skyrim is better than booze any day. ♥
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